Forget What You Thought You Knew About Cooking

My father-in-law just shared with me the most interesting cookbook I’ve ever seen. It’s not your grandmother’s cookbook, but it may have been your grandfather’s. Bull Cook and Authentic Historical Recipes and Practices written by George Leonard Herter and Berthe E. Herter is well out of print (ninth edition was printed in 1964), but I suggest you go over to Amazon.com and pick up a used copy. George Herter was probably the manliness man to have ever authored a cookbook, and one glance at this book will let you know he’s a hell of a storyteller to boot.

I can’t even begin to describe this quirky book with my own words. Instead, I’ll use bits of George’s words to give you a glimpse into the book.

I am putting down some of these recipes that you will not find in cook books plus many other historical recipes. Each recipe here is a real cooking secret. I am also publishing for the first time authentic historical recipes of great importance.

For your convenience I will start with meats, fish, eggs, soups and sauces, sandwiches, vegetables, the art of French frying, desserts, how to dress game, how to properly sharpen a knife, how to make wines and beer, how to make French soap, what to do in case of hydrogen or cobalt bomb attack. Keeping as much in alphabetical order as possible.

Of course, he would start with meat – what a bad-ass. Then he includes all the other important stuff like sharpening knives, making beer, and surviving a hydrogen bomb attack. Yes, In Case of a Hydrogen Bomb Attack… comes right after the Sioux Method of Cracking Black Walnuts. Pretty awesome, eh?

As far as keeping things in alphabetical order, I’m not sure any article is truly in alphabetical order, but that just adds to the eccentricity of this book. George also often blurs the lines between fact, fiction, and personal opinion throughout his “recipes.” Below are excerpts from ten recipes. Read these, and you’ll get an idea about the rest of the book. Forget what you thought you knew about cooking. George will set you straight.

Kidneys Henry The VIII

…Henry the VIII actually never amounted to anything and would not have made a good ditch digger. The only thing that he ever did do to his credit was to highly endorse the kidneys made by Elizabeth Grant, one of his many cooks. Here is the original recipe…

Swedish Muskrat

The person who named the muskrat should forever be ashamed of himself. If he had given it a nice name such as water opossum… Swedish muskrat however is one of the best dishes you will ever eat…

How to Make Jerky

In case of an atomic bomb attack it would be very important to know how to make jerky… build a log tower about three feet square and open at the top. This is quickly done simply by cutting up small logs and sharpening them on one end and driving them into the ground close together…

How to Cook Bologna

Bologna was invented in the town of Bologna, Italy in 1463 by a man named Anthony Garcia… Today the bologna makers tell you to simply put the ring of bologna into boiling water and heat it until warm and then serve. If you want strong tasting, greasy, bologna that you go around belching all day long this is the way to prepare it…

How to Make Caviar

Caviar was originally prepared in China from carp eggs. The carp is really a goldfish and is the only fish besides sturgeon that have grey colored eggs. They are somehwat lighter gray than strugeon eggs. Beyond a doubt carp eggs make by far the finest tasting caviar. The flesh of carp no matter how it is prepared is very poor eating and few people care for it at all… If a human eats raw carp flesh for a week he will also die… Here is the original and best caviar recipe…

Confederate Baked Potatoes

Getting a good baked potato these days is next to impossible… Go to your lumber yard and buy a dozen 60-penny nails. These are large nails as thick around as a lead pencil and about five inches long. The nails will be dirty and usually a little rusted. Take the nails and sandpaper… Take the potatoes and run a 60-penny nail lengthwise through each one leaving the nail protruding out of each end…

Titty Sauce Yams

The African slave women were used in bringing up the plantation owners babies. If the mother could not nurse the baby or did not care to which was often the case, the African women nursed them. In Africa nursing women often put honey or honey mixed with water mixture on the tits of their breasts… Boil the sweet potatoes with the jackets on for 20 minutes in water…

Why It Is Impossible For Modern Women To Bake Well

The flour companies only will sell you what is known as an “all purpose flour.” This all-purpose flour is a very, very poor quality soft wheat flour with very little strength… A woman is a natural housewife, cook, and baker. Giver her idle time from lack of being allowed to bake and even divorces can result. The television moguls, of course, want her to watch their idiotic contest and quiz programs with silly, stupid masters of ceremonies who think acting silly makes them a comedian…

Spinach Mother Of Christ

The Virgin Mary, Mother of Christ was very fond of spinach. This is a well known fact… Her favorite music was that of the crude bagpipes of that time, and this is also a well-known fact. On the eve of Christ’s birth in the cave that was called a stable, her only meal was spinach… Take six quarts of fresh spinach…

Swedish Method Of Preparing Rutabagas

The only correct way ever invented to prepare them…

How To Avoid Alcoholism And Still Drink

Some people are continually bothered by the fear that they will become alcoholics. To avoid any chance of becoming an alcoholic and still drink do as follows…

In Case Of A Hydrogen Bomb Attack You Must Know The Ways Of The Wilderness To Survive

If we have a bomb attack it will be a heavy one with every major city and most of the country wiped out in less than half an hour…The would-be authorities tell you to go into your basement and put up a wood lean-to against one wall and get under it. This is the surest way to get killed in a bombing attack and is the thing you must not do…